Carrie slept with Mr. Big on their first official date. She was thus accused by her three bosom girlfriends of being too casual and further warned that a man wouldn’t marry a woman who turned herself in on the first date. Even Carrie herself was pretty much regretful for her uncovered desperation of having sex with Mr. Big since she showed up with a half-naked tight dress that night. It was not until she got Mr. Big’s phone call two days later that the assumed “sleep-on-the-first-date” curse was swept away. Although she got entangled with Mr. Big for years among which the two of them started over and broke up for dozens of times, they ultimately ended up in marriage. Therefore, such curse seems to be invalidated. Of course, they live in film and we, do not. Still, the question pops up: when you are dating, when is the best time to have the first sex?

The presumption of this question is that you want to develop a long term relationship with him. As for those casual sex (also known as one night stand), every time is a good time (is it McDonald’s slogan?). So, the answer to this question can be categorized into two cases: Case A: If you are universally acknowledged to own an overpowering sex appeal and to be good in bed, which is more preferable, it is quite justifiable for you to sleep with him on your first date. Though sex is by no means the only way to secure a relationship, it is by all means an effective one. (I want to remind you of the famous little picture of Freud’s “What’s in a man’s mind”); Case B: If you are not confident about your figure, it is advisable that you wait a little longer to make sure whether he is in love with you or your appearance only. If, unfortunately, he is more interested in your body, be prepared that he is very likely to feel disappointed or even tired of you if you give in too soon.

Among the numerous bestsellers discussing man-woman relationship, Why men love bitches, which is also my all time favourite, suggests that a woman should date a man at least five times before sleeping with him. Five times can be regarded as a benchmark here: if you sleep with him before dating him five times, you are sending a wrong singal: you’ll be considered as either too casual or too thirsty, which will undoubtedly lead to the loss of his interest in you. However, if you keep him waiting too long, he’ll too lose interest in you. Please do not expect a man to wait for you for a hundred years, just because you think you are the only woman he will love on the earth. Of course, there are a handful of truly good man out there waiting for you exclusively no matter what, yet the hard fact is, most of us are not that lucky enough to bump into these rare species.

In fact, timing is perhaps not the top priority. There are many other factors that really count. For instance, how you behave after you have slept with him for the first time is a keenly crucial point. No matter how unbelievably he is good in bed or how much you wished to spend your rest of your life with him, please stay cool and act as if that sex did not mean that much to you. Showing your emotional attachment to him is a top one taboo. In that case, he will think that you are in his control and he can slow down his pace chasing you. For some men (a huge number of them in fact), the thing they fear most is commitment. So please try all the away to avoid ever mentioning that you want commitment from him. At the same time, please do not act as if you could easily sleep with every man on the street and pretend nothing had happened the next day. No man would like to marry a woman like this. Now here is the most highly confidential recipe of holding his interest in you: be his spiritual partner while keep independent from him. That’s how salome conquered Nietzsche, Freud and many other outstanding writers, philosophers of her time. We are not as talented as Salome, but we can at least try to be understanding as she was: to understand a man from the bottom of his heart.

Every relationship is unique. Just like there is no such thing as panacea in the world, there is not a univsersally accepted standard of “the best time for the first sex”. If he wants to marry you, he marries you regardless of every dismerit you have in the worldly eyes; If he wants to dump you, he dumps you regardless of your long preserved virginity for him. If he is the one, he IS the one.

In A Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens wrote, “It was the best of times; it was the worst of times.” In sex too, every time might be the best time or the worst time. Because, the true thing that really matters is, whether you can understand him, and, make him laugh.